Extra Dry Martini

EXTRA Dry Martini (Guest Blogger)

This is about my very first online dating experience. I was new to this and decided to test the waters with a free dating site before I went all in. Needless to say, I think I might have gotten what I paid for!  So Mr. EXTRA dry has been named as such because he was very dry, both with his personality and the fact that he actually didn’t drink.  I’m not a huge drinker myself so I don’t judge people that drink more or less than me, and this wasn’t a deal breaker for me.

We chatted back and forth online, and I found that he didn’t drink and he was a vegetarian.  I told him I was a steak and potatoes girl and that I drank occasionally and asked if he had any issues with that, his response, “nope, I’m a nurse, so I just think it’s a healthier lifestyle for me, but it’s my choice”.  Well, OK then, I can respect that, not going to change my eating or drinking habits, but sure, do your thing.  He seemed interesting and nice enough so we set up a date. I let him pick the place and he chose the Melting Pot, known for being a very classy and romantic fondue restaurant.  I double checked that he really thought it out, and he said yup, let’s go.  For those that aren’t following, this is an awesome place and I love it there, but for a first date, eh, kind of a little too romantic for that, not to mention if you’re a vegetarian and you’re taking out a meat-etarian, you have to cook your food together, so be prepared, my scrumptious meat will touch your precious tofu at some point during the cooking process, heaven forbid.

OK, so date night arrives, I send my girlfriend the pic of my outfit for her approval and I head to the restaurant.  I walk into the restaurant, looking around for my date I feel a tug on my pants, look down and there he is…oh hey there lil’ guy!  OK, so that might be a slight exaggeration, but his profile advertised his height to be 5’11″ and he was NOT!  Guys, don’t lie about your height, I’m going to find out the truth when we meet obviously!  So he’s not as tall as claimed and he also looks nothing like his pictures (they were obviously taken a few years ago when he was hitting the gym and probably eating meat and drinking)…false advertiser, strike one.

 

He informed me that he got us seats at the bar to eat.  This would not be my choice for my favorite spot for this blind date (I used to be a bartender and thoroughly enjoyed watching blind dates go south, sorry people, but it’s funny!).  But I’m a good sport so I said to myself, “let’s do this!”  We sit down and order drinks, I get a glass of red wine and he orders his water and we delve into the menu.  I order a little surf n turf type thing and he orders the vegetarian option. The Melting Pot menu only includes one vegetarian option and he informs me of his annoyance with that. The menu’s online and you picked this place, uh, your own fault buddy. Plus, don’t have a cow about this and just start eating them…I am sure you will get over it quickly.

Sidenote, when talking to my friends prior to this date they asked me if he was a recovering alcoholic because he didn’t drink at all, hmmmm, hadn’t really considered it, but you never know.  So after he asked, “whats up with that?”  while pointing at my glass of wine, I looked at him with an inquisitive look and said, “I just got off work and I’m on a date, so why not?”…waaaait a second, why am I justifying this??  I told you I drink occasionally and asked if you had an issue, you said no.  So now my friends voices jump into my head, did he used to have a drinking problem?  So I ask him and he responded, wait for it…” I didn’t have a drinking problem; I just wouldn’t stop once I started .”  Uhh, that sounds like a problem to me! Oh man, in full denial about a  drinking problem…strike two.

Our food comes out and we start cooking. Fondue is quite the commitment on a first date since it takes a long time and you have to make sure everything cooks through. I’m ready to bail already, but we still have to cook our dinner…fail.  The third strike came when he asked me how my “shit factories” tasted. Um, excuse me?  I like joking around and teasing, but when referring to my food and the poop it produces, no thank you.  Nothing makes me want to eat my food more than when it is referred to as “shit” and no man turns me on more than when he references “shit” on a first date.

You think it’s over, but no my friends, after all, this was my first date and I actually pitied the guy and didn’t know how to handle the embarrassing situation.  So when he asked me if I wanted to grab a coffee after the date I thought to myself, this guy just spent $150 on a terrible date, the least I can do is buy this poor chap a cup of coffee and maybe let him down gently over a vanilla latte.  So even though I didn’t think we were a great match, I agreed to go. I know what you’re thinking (I’m an idiot), but without agreeing I wouldn’t have this little tidbit to leave you with from my Extra Dry Martini so I take it as a base hit for me. After we get the coffee and sit down he excuses himself to go to the bathroom. When he returned he sat down and stated, “Ew that was the most disgusting bathroom I’ve ever been in.” GAME OVER.

I stood up, told him it was getting late and that I had to go, dodging his hug attempt (after all, he did just use the dirtiest bathroom) and made a break for it.  Sorry buddy, you are obviously looking for a sober vegetarian who can clean and likes talking about shit. I’m not her!

Chelsea’s Comments:

WOW, this guy would have left me shaken, not stirred.  I love me an Extra Dry Martini, but only when that is referring to little vermouth….not little manners or personality. A for effort though on the date location, but I agree with you that is quite a commitment on a first date. It is hard to cut a date short when your sober vegetarian is concentrating on his cheese fondue and you are waiting for your meat to stop moo-ing.  I understand what you mean when you feel like you had to get coffee afterwards and I have been there more than I would like to admit myself.

The only good thing to come out of this was a good meal it sounds like – at least he paid for the date! A vegetarian that lies about his height that has a drinking problem is usually a deal breaker for most women. But a cheap one that doesn’t pay for a date on top of that would be the deal breaker of epic proportions.

I hope you went home and made yourself an Extra Dry Dirty Martini and realized how awesome you are ;) And possibly took a shower….

Dos Equis

Dos Equis (Guest Blogger)

Stay Thirsty, My Friends

The most interesting man in the world doesn’t always drink beer, but when he does he prefers Dos Equis.  I am hoping my date (who was not the most interesting man in the world) doesn’t always wear vests, but when he does they are suede vests. Yes, my date arrived in a full-blown suede vest.  Enough said.

Chelsea’s Comments:

You are right – enough said! Sounds like the least interesting man in the world to me. Few things turn a woman on more than suede vests.

 

I hope you had a couple of Dos Equis yourself to try to forget this fashion and dating disaster.  I am just disappointed he also didn’t have leather chaps…

Stay Thirsty, My Friends

Magic Hat

Magic Hat is a delicious beer that has a lot of hops.  Magic Hat is one of those beers that you usually crave at the bar when you see its cool logo on the tap and you realize that you haven’t had something that delicious in a while.  You expect the bartender to scream “Abracadabra” as he places your perfectly poured beer in front of you at the bar.  Those first few sips are magical, but then you enjoy it so much that you overindulge and you are left with a nasty hangover.  Meet the next man named “Magic Hat.” Continue reading