Tinderella

Tinderella

Cinderella is the classic fairy tale of the kind and beautiful girl who lived with her stepmother and two evil stepsisters.  We all know the story…Cinderella is stuck doing all the chores for her nasty and unfortunate looking stepfamily, her fairy godmother pays her a visit, turns her into a beautiful princess look-a-like, she attends a ball, dances with the prince, loses her glass slipper, and then is reunited with her true love that she has known for a total of three song lengths when she is the only one in the village that has the correct shoe size to fit that glass slipper. And they live happily ever after. Obviously.

It is called a fairy tale for a reason and I totally get it. But I have some major issues with the classic tale.

First of all, I am sorry but there had to be a minimum of two people that could fit into the glass slipper in that village. My college roommates, friends, and I have shared shoes multiple times in the past. If finding your Prince Charming was as easy as fitting into a size 7 glass slipper, the world and dating in general might be a little different (and easier).  If I lose my shoe at the end of an evening, it usually means I am the drunk idiot walking home shoeless – not that I am about to become a princess.

Plus, I don’t have a fairy godmother, but I have my hair stylist, my Sephora makeup, and a closet full of what I would like to consider fashionable clothes.  When I get all dolled up and go out with my friends, sometimes my night includes dancing with men.  I might think they are my true love on the dance floor as we are swaying and holding our $2 drafts, but I can assure you that it takes more than a couple of songs to truly fall in love with someone.

If this classic were in a modern day setting, it would be told quite differently.  Therefore, I have revised this fairy tale for the modern day version known as “Tinderella.”

Once there was a kind, beautiful, and hopelessly romantic girl named Tinderella.  She lived on her own in an apartment and was a successful young professional. She was tired of the bar scene and decided to try to find her Prince Charming online. After some unsuccessful dates using the typical dating sites, she joined an app called Tinder that was recommended by her friends.

Tinderella signed into the app with her Facebook account and was instantly matched with hundreds of men.  She changed her filters to the correct geographic, gender, and age settings and let the app do its magic. She was astonished that so many of these cute, single men in her area shared Facebook friends and/or interests from their profile pages.

She started going through her matches, checking yes or no to each potential Prince Charming, and then all of a sudden like magic – POOF – she got the first “IT’S A MATCH” screenshot.  Since both people have to click yes for it to be a match, Tinderella was excited by this news.  She continued searching through the app for hours. Eventually her app showed the inevitable “You’ve seen all the recommendations near you” message. Tinderella was disappointed – how could that have been all the matches for her? 

The next day, she glanced at her Tinder notifications to discover she had more matches.  With some Fireball whisky liquid courage, Tinderella clicked on each flame that represented a match and started chatting.  Eventually she had seven conversations going and she was starting to feel better about her potential suitors.

One Tinder flame (Prince, 31) shared 5 Facebook friends and 3 Facebook interests with her.  He asked her to go out on a date and she thought, “Well how harmless can he be if he is also friends with Anastasia, Drizella, Jaq, Gus and Lucifer too?”   His profile showed five of his best looking Facebook photos that featured everything from a regular headshot, a shirtless selfie, his entourage at the bar, his dog and his favorite meme with the Tinder headline “Chivalry is not dead. I’m a Prince.”

After a long day of work and working out, Tinderella put her makeup on, picked out a great outfit, and got ready to meet her Prince Charming.

Will they live happily ever after? Only time will tell. She was living happily over their next few cocktails, however. To be continued…

OK – so the story might not become a classic like the original, but you get the idea.

Tinder is actually one of the most entertaining apps I have ever used and I recommend every single man and woman to at least give it a try. Note: when I say “single” here I am referring to your relationship status. I am sure your significant other would not appreciate you searching for what else is out there.

I have heard some success stories from people meeting through the app (particularly the ones where there are mutual Facebook friends so you can ask your friends what the other person is like) – and – I have heard some horror stories from those who decided to try to start a fire with a Tinder flame.

Here is my thinking, however. Whether you live happily ever after or not is completely dependent on you.  I am a strong believer that you can create your own happiness.

If you meet a loser from the app and don’t want to see him or her again – don’t.

If you meet a great person through Tinder and want to see where it goes – do it.

Happily ever after should not only live in fairy tales. It should also come from smartphones.

I probably should have been named Cinderella given my last name, but am glad my parents decided against that decision.  Cinderella actually translates to “little one of the ashes.”

If you do find your significant other via Tinder, well, naming your daughter Tinderella is completely on you.